haiku #4

edgar allan poe
the man, the myth, the legend
brilliant and dead

awesome

my cat killed a bird today. awesome.

yes i'm eating cake for lunch

Don't judge me. Only Satan can judge me.

Sign of the Apocalypse

Eclipse came out.  Nough said.

June Gloom

I wish every day was like this, the sky is the color of my soul.

advice

If you ever find yourself at the home of someone you don't like, have a little fun.

Set their V-chip to TV-Y. It's like stealing their remote but way sneakier. Besides, with all the Sesame Street episodes they may even learn their alphabet.

too bad

it's too bad you can't cure stupid.

so you think you can dance

My gay made me watch it.

Misty

I just walked outside and the mist stuck to my liberty spikes, my preppy little sister said i looked pretty, that i sparkled.

Fuck twilight ruining my sparkle liberty spikes.

thought

safety pins can make or break the outfit.

Sundays

How can Sundays and Sundaes sound the same and be so vastly different?  One forces you to be dragged to church so they can help you find the light, the other takes away the pain of an hour long sermon.  If I ever became a minister I would change communion in my church to vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. Hail Satan.

Sacrilege Toast

Breakfast this morning is Challa French toast with bacon... oh delicious Kosher tears.

twilight

twilight is lame. sparkly vampires? seriously?

team lestat.

prom

there's no way i'm going to that stupid mating ritual. unless trent reznor provides the music.

Haiku 3

Blooming Corpse Flower

Odoriferous Assassin

The floral mantis.

Auto Save my ass

F********* Microsoft Word.  My comp shut down in the night and didn't auto save my reconstruction paper.  now i have to bullshit another 500-1000 words on how abolition was bullshit.

Bill Gates I'll have your ass.

The Meat is my Bread

Russian Jews tricked me into buy meat bread... its delicious.  Being happy and full of meat is really going to hurt my street cred as a vegan badass.

Comedy Central

The return of Futurama has been tainted by the advertisement for the Roast of David Hasselhoff.

haiku the second

alas the poor soul
who dresses in bright colors
black: eternal fad

My plans for world domination ruined

like my cinnabon roll filled with the shattered pieces of my g4 iphone.  Who designs an all glass phone.  I knew I should have got that stupid casing.

DIM SUM

Fills the void in my soul left by the loss of my midnight trisk nail polish.

crap

where'd my black nail polish go?

RACISTS

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE STOP BEING YOUR FRIEND WHEN THEY REALIZE YOU'RE NOT MEXICAN?

thank you

thank you american apparel, abacrombie and ed hardy, for making it easy to spot those we must disdain

Haiku

I forgot how much

I like pickled dead babies

fetus kimchi's great.

I forgot how much I like...

the pickled souls of dead babies.

aborted fetus kim chee is delicious.

Hot Topic

Without the 50% off clearance sale my minions would never look as fly as me.